Have you ever scrolled through social media and felt horrible and drained after? Maybe you saw images of friends or family and how “perfect” their lives look. Maybe you scrolled past brands and companies saying that having “this” or “that” thing will make you happy. After scrolling, you might feel an energy drain, lack of motivation, and the feeling of “not enough.” Even as you go about the rest of your day, the images, words, music, and ads from social media cause “mental clutter” in your brain. It makes it difficult to feel inspired, hopeful, and excited about life.
In other words, social media is killing your self confidence. It’s time to talk about what exactly social media is doing, and how to stop it. You deserve to have self confidence and to feel good about where you are in your journey. Let’s break down some of the ways social media kills your self confidence, and how you can take back your life.
Your self confidence drops when you compare yourself to others
Teddy Roosevelt was quoted as saying “Comparison is the thief of joy.” This couldn’t be more true! When we see other people’s professionally taken photographs, it’s hard not to compare ourselves. “My house doesn’t look as nice as their house,” we might say.
When we see other people’s relationships—whether as a couple, with family, or with friends—we compare ourselves. “My relationship doesn’t look as exciting, happy, or ____ as that…” we might think.
When we see other people’s lifestyles: going on plenty of vacations, showcasing their latest gadgets and goodies, and so forth, we might say to ourselves, “Wow I’m really behind. They’ve got it together and I don’t.”
Comparison steals the joy from our lives. Instead of being grateful for where we are in our journey, we feel sad and stuck. We feel like maybe all of our hard work has been for nothing. We might even feel a sense of hopelessness. “Why do I even try?” we ask ourselves. “That person on social media is always going to be be better than me.”
Pay attention
Listen to your thoughts as you scroll through social media. What are you saying to yourself as you view the content? Are you belittling yourself? Are you comparing your point in the journey to someone else’s point in their journey?
Everyone’s timing is different, and while social media can sometimes inspire us to be and do better, it can also drain us and make us feel like we’re less than, not enough, and that we’re somehow behind. You are in a unique place in your journey, and it’s ok that other people are at different places in their journey too. While we can get inspired by other people who are ahead of us and feel hopeful that one day we’ll be where they are, we need to be careful that we don’t compare ourselves to them. If that’s happening, it’s completely ok and healthy to take a break from following them. Mute or hide their posts for a while and see what happens. You’ll be surprised at the mental clarity and gratitude you’ll feel for your own journey and life when you stop comparing yourself to others.
To read more about enjoying where you are in your journey, and how to create paradise where you are, check out my book: Aloha State of Mind
Social media gives us unrealistic expectations
There are too many bizarre and “extra” ways people do things for social media, which creates a skewed image that “this is how life is.” But social media is absolutely not an accurate representation of our everyday lives. It’s glamoured up, made to look better-than-real-life. Whether social media influencers post the perfect pics, brands show curated pictures, or even places like Pinterest show different ways to “have the perfect wedding,” “host the perfect gender reveal,” and so forth… it’s not real. Life doesn’t look like a magazine. It’s complicated and completely imperfect, because people aren’t perfect.
While some people may have strong families and ideal lives, many of us don’t have that. For some of us, family consists of our closest friends and neighbors. For others, life might be really messy at the moment: finances are tight, relationships are complicated, and so forth. Social media doesn’t show that—it showcases the best of other people’s lives and somehow, we base our expectations off the “best” of others.
Reality vs social media
When our lives don’t seem to go the way social media has portrayed it, we feel like a failure. This is a lie, and yet another way to kill our self confidence. It’s time to separate social media expectations from reality. While we may occasionally get inspired by social media, we must be careful that we don’t let it become our reality. You are where you need to be in your journey. And while you might not be where others are, you can feel OK in knowing that you’ll get there.
So now that we know what social media is doing to us, let’s talk about how to get out of the trap. The funny thing is that most people know social media does this to us, but the hard part is taking your control back. You should control your life, time, and energy, not an app on a phone or a website on a computer.
First things first, get your self confidence back by unplugging from the phone and connecting with real people in real life
If the pandemic taught us anything, it’s that we need people. Whether we want to admit it or not, our mental health and happiness increases when we serve, connect, and communicate with other people.
When we connect with people, we fill our energy wells. We give good energy, and they return it. Connecting with people in real life reminds us to be grateful, to be present, and to enjoy where we are in our unique journey of life. It pulls us from the dark mental dungeon caused by too much scrolling through social media and, instead, gives us love and light, things we all need to feel as humans.
Struggling with connecting in your conversations? Check out this article: How to Have Better Conversations (And Not Feel Awkward)
Next, set social media boundaries
None of the tips I’ve shared here are new. We all know we should set limits and boundaries when it comes to social media. Sloppy and unclear boundaries suck away our energy and make it so we revert to mindless activities like scrolling.
Do what you need to in order to establish clear boundaries. For example, give yourself extra steps to access social media, whether it’s entering a password to open the app, placing the app in different folders so you don’t automatically click it when turning on your phone, or even removing the app from your phone and only accessing it from a computer (that’s what I do haha! I know, so old school but it works well for me).
Some people set timers on their devices for the apps. Whatever you need to do, set clear and established boundaries that cannot be deviated, twisted, or broken. Though boundaries can sometimes feel restricting, they actually set you free! They give you more time and energy to do other things, the things you really want to do.
For example, if you don’t have boundaries for social media and get on it whenever you want, you can spend endless hours scrolling. But what about doing the things you really want to do and the things that matter most, like spending quality time with people, working on the project you always wanted to do, or even taking better care of yourself like taking a nap, reading a book, or learning something new? Whenever you say “yes” to something, you’re saying “no” to other things you could be doing. So when you say yes to social media, you’re saying no to other things that are worth your time.
Finally, set healthy expectations of what you want to get out of social media
If you choose to stay on social media, which many of us will, what are you hoping to get out of it? This question is SO important. People go on social media for various reasons and it’s time to pinpoint YOUR reason.
Are you hoping to get inspired? Do you want to check up on a certain person? Are you going on just to post (because you’re a brand, like me)? Are you going on to message people back in the DMs?
In other words, what is your purpose in having social media and going on it?
Be super clear
If you have an unclear purpose, then remember your boundaries. I sometimes ask myself what my life would be like without social media and it honestly feels like it’d be much better! It’d be so nice! I wouldn’t have to worry about all the things I see, the brain clutter, and mental chaos that it causes. I would be happier in my journey, and grateful for what I have. And this is why I don’t have the app on my phone anymore.
I don’t need to check social media. In fact, pinpointing my reason for social media use has been a game changer. I use it solely for my brand and to share my work as an author. Do I look at other people’s things? Yes, but I go to the search bar and immediately search in the name of the person I want to look at. The boundaries are incredibly clear for me: no scrolling, only check instagram from my computer (and go straight to my profile page), and if I want to look at someone’s account, I must search their name into the search bar and not look at anything on that search screen. It’s effort and work, I know, but mindfulness has saved me so much time and energy that social media would otherwise take away. I feel more creative, happier, and grateful.
In conclusion
Social media is killing your self confidence when you mindlessly scroll through it. It creates mental brain clutter, makes us compare ourselves to others, and sets unrealistic expectations. While social media can be used as an inspiration tool, it should never take over our lives. When social media is only thing we can think of and revert to, there’s a huge problem, an addiction. Let’s take control of our lives again, boost our self confidence and gratitude for where we are in our unique story and journey. Continue forward with clear, established boundaries. You got this!
What are your thoughts?
I would love to know your thoughts on this article. Was there something helpful that you learned or want to implement in your own life? Is there another tip you can share with others about social media boundaries? Let us know in the comments below. Mahalo!
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