It seems a little counter-intuitive, but you can be confident and have anxiety at the same time. In various situations, you might feel your anxiety rush in. But with confidence, you can keep a clear and calm head, take care of yourself, and feel assured that you did your best.
You might be thinking of times you get anxiety, and the downward spiral of negative thoughts. “Why did I say that?” or “They must think I’m so dumb for doing __ (fill in the blank).” Anxiety can really wear us down, making us feel like we can’t do anything, that everything will turn out wrong, or any social/financial/life/emotional situation will go downhill.
Take this as your sign. It’s time. No more over thinking or over processing after interacting with people or going to events.
The thing is… you have more control than you think. Anxiety is real, but it doesn’t have to rule your life. When you develop confidence in yourself, you’ll learn how to handle any situation, even when anxiety crops up.
This article will cover all the ways you can be confident and have anxiety, no matter the situation. It’s possible to feel good about yourself, even when you have doubts, worries, and fears. Let’s explore this together, because you totally got this. 🙂
Listen, then be genuine and honest with yourself
The first thing to navigate when it comes to being confident and having anxiety, is to listen. Listen to your thoughts and internal commentary. What are you saying to yourself? Are your thoughts kind? Or are they filled with worry?
Do you think of the most negative “what if’s?”
Choose honesty with yourself. Listen to your thoughts and figure out what is really wrong. Are you nervous because of something you heard somewhere? Did something happen that triggered an emotion from a previous experience?
How can you help yourself? Listen to your thoughts, pay attention to the way your body reacts, and keep notes of what you notice. Over time you will discover patterns to help you cope with anxiety.
And, as you find ways to cope with the things that worry you, it’ll help boost your confidence. Instead of worrying what a situation will do to you, or the anxiety it’ll cause, you can focus on what you can control: YOU.
Listen to your thoughts and try to narrow down where they stem from. Once you can figure out the true, deep problem, then you can go from there.
An example of listening to yourself
For example, I used to get terrible anxiety, but it wasn’t at all times. It only occurred during specific times. I listened to my thoughts, my body, and my reactions and discovered that my anxiety was triggered from being around certain people.
Instead of being content with learning this, I decided to dig even deeper. What, about these people, made me anxious? I discovered that these certain people had personalities similar to a toxic and abusive person from my childhood.
Everything didn’t make sense all at once, but I was able to understand myself better, cope with the anxiety, and know that I could control myself. I controlled myself in the situation with an abusive family member before, and I could now.
Knowing this empowered and gave me so much confidence! Obviously I can’t control the behavior and actions of other people, but I can choose how I react, how much I spend with those people, and how I view myself.
Listen to yourself and be honest. This self reflection and pondering can open so many doors and help you understand, honor, and respect yourself. And, of course, self honor and respect naturally leads to more confidence (which we’ll discuss next)!
Confidence comes from self respect and honoring your time and health
Be honest about what situations make you anxious. Do you feel anxious around a certain group of people? Why? What is it about that group that makes you feel insecure, worried, or afraid?
Are you in danger? Do those people have your best interest in mind?
Sometimes we do ourselves a disfavor by not honoring our time, health, resources, and energy. We give so much to others, and that can cause anxiety. Growing up I remember a quote from a church youth leader. It hung from her fridge and said, “Stress is when your mind says ‘no’ and your lips say ‘yes.’”
I think we could even rephrase that to, “Anxiety is when your mind says ‘no’ and your lips say ‘yes.’”
Confidence comes from respecting ourselves. It’s one of the first steps to believing in ourselves and honoring who we truly are. When we respect ourselves, we set boundaries, say “no” without feeling guilty, and avoid situations or groups that might cause heavy anxiety.
This isn’t to say that we duck away from every and any social interaction. We need people in our lives. This just means that we honor ourselves and who we are, and when we honor ourselves, our confidence grows.
Listen, and be genuine and honest with others
Anxiety can come because we get wrapped up in our own heads. The spiral of thoughts goes on and on and on…
We need to stop this. Consciously stop the thought train and choose to stay present.
Listen to others. Understand them.
The funny thing is… when we focus on serving and helping others, it alleviates anxiety. Not only that, but it increases our self confidence!
Read more about this: The Fastest Way to Gain Self Confidence
Caring about others helps us stay mindful. In other words, we are in control of our own thoughts, not our thoughts in control of us. Listening, seeking understanding, and really keeping present removes distractions and that pesky downward spiral of anxious thoughts.
Also don’t be afraid to tell people the truth
Another thing that helps be confident and have anxiety at the same time is being honest. If you’re not comfortable with something, or don’t understand, express that.
As a real life example, I’ve tried to be “polite” to others by not saying what I’m really thinking. If I don’t want to go to something, and everyone else does, I used to stay quiet or, if asked, say, “Oh sure… I guess.” I was too afraid to be honest and upfront. And that caused a lot of anxiety! I’d go to things I didn’t actually want to go to, or try to please other people.
Well, after being married for a couple years now, and my husband encouraging me to be completely honest, I’m doing a lot better! I say “no” to things I really don’t want to do. Instead of saying “yeah we should hang out” and then stress about planning it, I don’t even say that anymore. I only say what I TRULY mean.
The anxiety has cut back and the confidence has grown. I know the same will happen for you!
Also read: How to Have Better Conversations
Have a list of self confidence positive affirmations handy
Affirmations truly help because words are powerful. They give you a boost when you need some words of encouragement and inspiration.
If it helps, consider creating a wallpaper out of one of the Self Confidence Affirmations or write some of your own.
Read more: Self Confidence Affirmations
Believe that you can be confident, even when anxiety threatens to show its face. With the affirmations, recite powerful words to yourself to return to the present, focus on the task at hand, and remember that you have more control than you think.
The more you practice and believe in your self confident affirmations, the more confident you feel. Confidence naturally grows as a result of your belief.
Give yourself grace
Not every interaction or event is going to be perfect. Anxiety can force us to agonize over every little thing that went wrong.
But it’s OK.
Confidence comes from knowing you did your best with the knowledge and experience you have. Nothing will go perfectly or as planned, and it’s totally ok. When you give yourself grace, again, your confidence naturally grows. You have nothing to prove to anyone because you know who you are and that you put in your best effort.
Trust God and believe it gets better because of Jesus Christ
The best confidence comes from God. We don’t always know what’s going to happen, and that can fill us with anxiety. But when we pray for help, we can feel God’s influence in our lives.
And remember that when things are unfair or don’t go the way you had hoped, everything that’s unfair will be made right through Jesus Christ. Place your faith in Him, and as you get to know Him, your confidence will grow in a deeper and more spiritual way than you ever imagined.
Also read: Do you know who you really are?
In conclusion
It’s possible to be confident and have anxiety. Self respect, boundaries, and honoring your time and space give you self confidence and belief in yourself. Trusting God, giving yourself grace, and moving forward, despite mistakes and setbacks becomes easier overtime.
Anxiety doesn’t have to make all the rules. You can call the shots in your life. As you actively do things to build your self confidence, you’ll find less time to worry and agonize over things, and more time to create the beautiful life and do what you love. You got this, friend!
What are your thoughts?
Do you have anxiety and self confidence? What are some ways you increase your confidence while decreasing the anxiety? Let us know in the comments below. Mahalo!
Want to read my book?
I share more experiences about being honest with yourself in my book “Aloha State of Mind.” It covers 24 Hawaiian values to help you create paradise where you are.
Save this pin for later!
