If you want to know how to deal with a broken family, you’re not alone. Many people are starving to belong, to heal, and to feel well because a broken family has caused trauma, distrust, and lack of confidence. A broken family may have even caused you to doubt yourself, feel like everyone hates you, and that there’s no hope for the future.
I’m here to tell you that it will get better, and you’ll get through this.
In this article, you will learn how to deal with a broken family and regain your confidence. You have a unique contribution to make on this earth and we need you. You need you. As you read through these tips, know that as you implement this advice, things will get better.
Here’s a table of contents, if you want to jump to a specific section:
Table of contents
About the author
I want you to know I’ve totally been there (check out the About page if you want to know who’s talking haha), which is why writing about dealing with a broken family is near and dear to my heart. A narcissistic, verbally and mentally abusive family member was a part of my life for a long time.
I literally thought I was going crazy… But then I realized I have more control and power than I think. While I couldn’t control my circumstances at home, I could control myself. And you can too.
You can read more about my story in my book, Aloha State of Mind.
Please know that you’re not alone. There are more of us than you think that have gone through broken family relationships and trauma caused by it. And I absolutely want you to know that you’re going to make it through.
I would never EVER wish my family trauma on anyone else, but I am a better, stronger, more empathetic person because of it. You’ll come out the other end, and while healing and feeling well might not be immediate, those things will come with time.
You got this, dear friend.
Read on for my best tips on dealing with a broken family and regaining your confidence.
Get help
First of all, if you are in danger and your life is at risk, or you have been sexually or physically abused, get help from local authorities, church leaders, and/or trusted friends. If you’ve been threatened not to tell anyone, please don’t listen to the lie.
Abusers will threaten you as a means of control, but know that you’re strong and courageous enough to get help. Getting help is not a weak thing to do. Your life will be better if you get help. You don’t need to stick out the abuse or violence—it’s not healthy and nobody (I repeat nobody, especially not you) deserves any form of abuse.
Here is a great resource to get help: National Domestic Violence Hotline
Help yourself (especially if you’re a minor and stuck in the situation)
This section pertains to people of any age, because we have more power than we think. While we can’t control other people’s behaviors and actions, we can control our own. If you need some space from your broken family, give yourself space.
Especially for minors, if things are out of control in your home, control what you can: leave the room, take a walk, get outside.
For example, if you know that home life is bad, spend more time doing wholesome recreational activities: join sports teams or clubs at school. Be a part of the band or student council. Make a book club with friends and meet up after school.
The same goes for adults: Control what you can while putting yourself in healthy and inspiring situations, ones that boost your self confidence, motivate you, and remind you that healthy relationships are possible and real!
Talk to people
While this seems like a practical thing to do, it actually might be very difficult for those coming from a broken family. You might feel like you’re exposing some secret, or an abuser at home might hurt you if you talk to someone.
The truth is… we all need to connect. Connecting with someone puts things into perspective. It reminds us of what a healthy, natural, normal relationship looks like. Also, we sometimes don’t recognize the severity of our family situations until we talk to someone about it.
Find someone you can trust 100% and share what’s going on. Sometimes they’ll provide feedback and insights that you didn’t think of. Sometimes a listening ear is all you need to keep going. Other times, a trusted friend will help boost your confidence to get help from authorities, counselors, or others.
A quick tip: Be careful who you talk to. Specifically, avoid people who gossip.
How do you know if people gossip? If they speak negatively about others to you, they’re probably speaking negatively about you to others. Gossip makes the situation worse, so avoid people who gossip. With everything going on, you seriously do NOT need that negativity in your life.
Talk to your family
When I went through a hard time with my broken family, I wish I had talked to my siblings more. After long, grueling sessions of verbal and mental abuse, my siblings and I were so wiped out, all we could do was give each other eye contact.
The eye contact alone spoke volumes, but I wish we had actually connected and communicated more. I think we were so afraid of the abuser, that we didn’t even feel safe talking to each other.
Now that time has passed, my siblings and I occasionally talk about the trauma that the abuse caused. Mostly we crack jokes about it, as humor is a way of dealing with stuff like that.
However, if I could go back, I would try to talk to my family more. It would have brought us closer together. We probably would’ve felt more supported, and even just feeling supported can make a world of a difference.
Obviously, talk to your family in private. Be open and honest. Come up with solutions together. Support each other. Even if you can’t get out of the situation, supporting each other’s dreams, hopes, and goals is enough to get you through.
Also, talking to your family might flip the situation. When you’re united, you can stand up courageously against the abuser or against whatever situation is tearing your family apart.
In Hawaii, the word for unity is lokahi, and unity can truly bring your family closer together. Be open, honest, and remember… you will all get through this.
Also read: How to have better conversations
Write in a journal
When your options to talk to people are limited, talk to yourself by journal writing. Journal writing provides us an opportunity to be honest about anything and everything. It’s whatever we make of it.
Journal writing gives you control, something that many a broken family seems to take away. The journal is your sacred and private place to help you process, evaluate, dream, and vent.
It helps you cope with dark stuff. When I say dark stuff, I mean the deep, dark thoughts of depression, anxiety, and trauma that is difficult to express to other people. And, sometimes, we don’t want other people to know how deep and painful our feelings are. However, writing it out is a therapeutic way to release those negative, dark thoughts and move forward. It provides an escape from the reality of your life and world at the moment.
Personally, journals helped me survive everything going on with my family. At a time that I felt threatened and couldn’t talk to anyone, I talked to myself in my journal. I shared all my woes and troubles, and doing so, was able to release things and keep moving forward.
My journals also encouraged me to not give up hope. They were a tangible reminder that I still had dreams, ambitions, and things I wanted to do in life… and if I got through this situation with my broken family, I’d make it. And I did.
As a side note, I burned all of my journals from that period of my life. It was very therapeutic and a final release for me of all the dark, negative emotions from that time!
Ask God for help and trust in Jesus Christ
An article about coping with a broken family isn’t complete without a note on faith and trust in God. Remember that God has a plan for you, and he will never give you more challenges than you can handle.
A lot of people with a broken family feel like God has abandoned them. Or maybe he is punishing them for something. So why reach out to him? Others feel like they can’t reach out because they’re somehow “past” the point of being helped. They feel like they have too many problems, so why would God care?
The truth is that God cares. He cares very, very much about you. You are his child, and he loves you more than you’ll ever know. He wants the best for you, but that doesn’t mean he will take away your challenges.
In fact, I really don’t know why some people have to go through such horrible life circumstances and challenges while others don’t. But I do know this: all that is unfair in life will be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
Have faith in Jesus Christ
Because of what Jesus did for us, we can have complete confidence that things will be ok. Things will work out and be made right in the end. Maybe things won’t be made right now, in this lifetime, but justice and mercy will play their role in the end.
Have faith.
Trust.
Know that God and Jesus Christ have your best interest in mind. They love you so much!
Also, when you don’t feel like there are people to turn to, always know that you can turn to God. It’s never too late to start praying. It’s never to late to ask God if he’s there, how he feels about you, and if you can improve your relationship with him. He doesn’t hate you, no matter how much your trauma and pain might make it feel like. He loves you so much, and will be there to help you through your trials.
Personally, I felt like God was quiet a lot through my trials. It felt like the moment I needed him most was the moment he wasn’t there. Silence. But I learned a great deal of compassion.
When people tell me they’re losing faith because God has gone silent, I know exactly how they feel. And I know it’ll get better. God isn’t gone. He’s not dead. He’s there, and he wants us to just trust him.
It’ll be ok. Just trust.
Stay focused on your goals
Don’t lose hope because of your broken family. It might feel like nobody loves you right now, like you’re completely worthless, or that you’ll never make it in life because of your family. But that’s not true.
You are going to make it, and you’re going to reach your dreams and goals. I just know it. Stay focused on your goals and control what you can control. Let go of the rest.
During my own period of family dysfunction and drama, I stayed laser focused on my goals, and they propelled me forward, giving me confidence that I never knew I had. I took the maximum credits in college while working 3 jobs. I participated actively in my church, community, and college department.
Even though my family was falling apart, I was becoming stronger and more resilient than I ever thought possible. It was amazing, and it happened because I focused on my goals. I did what I could, and let go of the rest. You can too.
You got this!
Know that this won’t be forever
This situation won’t last forever… ok, maybe it will go on and on, but know that you won’t be in this situation forever. Whether you’re a minor waiting until you turn 18 to move out, a spouse gathering the courage to leave, or even just a normal family member navigating with your family through an especially hard time… know that it won’t be forever.
There’s an end, a way out. And when you come out the other side, seeing the light of day, you’re going to be so grateful you got through.
Healing and wellness might not come immediately, but they will. Give yourself time to process through the trauma. Seek help if you need to. But, in the midst of your broken family, know that it will pass.
Don’t go to drugs or other addicting substances as an escape
Finally, don’t resort to drugs, alcohol, pornography, or other addictive substances or media as an escape. While these “seemingly harmless” forms of entertainment promise you immediate relief and escape, they will entice you until you have formed addictive habits.
Please take care of yourself. It’s ok to grieve and to feel sad for a moment, but please also feed your soul. You are much stronger than the circumstances around you. If you find that you’ve dug yourself into the hole of addiction, please seek help. There are great resources out there to help you overcome this addiction.
You’re stronger than you think
Think of me as a caring older sister or friend now, giving you my last words of wisdom to help you on your journey.
You’re stronger than you think. I know right now you might feel like this challenge will never end. I know you might want to give up—on many things, maybe including life. Please don’t go. You’re amazing. You’re worthy, loved, seen, and not alone. I promise you you’re not alone.
God loves you.
Your family—blood or not blood related—loves you.
You have a unique contribution to make to this world and we need you.
You’re going to get through this, and, at the end, you’ll be stronger than you ever imagined. Your experiences will bless you in ways you never imagined, and, equally as inspiring, you’ll bless other people’s lives as well. Others will flock to you as a source of inspiration, because you’ve gone through the tough part, and you know how to help others survive and thrive through their broken family.
We all need you, and you need you too. Show up for yourself. Trust God. Everything will turn out in the end.
Conclusion
You don’t have to lose your self worth or confidence because of a broken family. In fact, you can become stronger because of it.
I hope that these tips have inspired and encouraged you on your journey. Remember that you can create the beautiful life no matter your circumstances. As you trust God, keep going, seek help, and follow the other tips listed here, you’ll be able to deal with a broken family in healthier ways and come out the other end stronger because of it.
Let’s hear from you!
What did you think of this article? Did something here resonate with you? What will you do to deal with a broken family? Do you have kind words to share with others dealing with a broken family? Let us know in the comments below. Mahalo!
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