Do you want to stop perfectionism in your life? Maybe you realize that you’re unhappy with final results, or that you over-stress about the tiniest details. Perhaps you often feel like a failure if something doesn’t turn out “perfect,” a few points are missed on a test, or something didn’t turn out the way you imagined it would.
Perfectionists tend to be very self critical and unhappy with themselves and their work, and if you’ve noticed this in yourself, it’s time to stop perfectionism.
In this article we’ll cover 10 ways to stop perfectionism and help boost your self confidence to do what you really want to do. Let’s jump right in!
Set realistic expectations
Perfectionists tend to have an all-or-nothing approach. Getting one or two points wrong on a test or a slight inaccuracy in a final product will be viewed as failures by perfectionists. “Close enough” is not enough. “Almost perfect” is not perfect.
But let’s step back and see what’s the real problem. The real problem is that perfectionists have high expectations that can often be impossible to reach. And, truly, does it matter to have everything perfect? What could go wrong if a few points are missed on a test, or if the result is not 100% what you had in your head?
Realistic expectations sets you up for success and helps you stop perfectionism. Instead of raising the bar to an unreachable height, set it to something that still challenges you but is realistic at the same time. Goals that work and help us get where we want to go are SMART—specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound.
Also read: How to Have a Vision for Your Life
Learn to enjoy the journey (instead of focusing on the end result)
A lot of perfectionists focus on the end goal: the finished product, the completed results, the score on the test, and so forth.
While it’s important to have a vision of what you want, it CAN become toxic because if it steals the joy from the moment. Happiness is temporary if we only focus on the end result, because once we reach the end result, it changes to a new end result.
Have joy in the journey.
Enjoy the process, what you’re learning, and how you’re growing as you work towards your dreams and goals. There’s nothing wrong with being excited for the end result, but don’t let it be your only focus so you miss out on enjoying the present.
Don’t be afraid to fail
Sometimes perfectionists think small. They’re afraid to fail, so they play it safe and won’t try anything out of the box. Often they’re afraid to try something new because they don’t want to fail, or others to see them fail. Furthermore, failing will make them feel worse about themselves.
Self confidence, as opposed to perfectionism, expects and even embraces failure. A self confident person knows that they’ll make mistakes and fail, but the most important thing is to start, keep trying, and be OK with failure.
Also read: How to Stop Thinking Small
Unmet goals and dreams happen to everyone
Every person has failed at some point in their journey. They didn’t get the job or relationship they wanted, or vision they had for themselves. Maybe a goal or dream wasn’t reached in the expected time frame or way.
Those with self confidence are able to bounce back from setbacks like this, while perfectionists tend to wallow in the failure. They become more self critical and their self esteem drops. Instead of learning from the journey and the unmet goals and dreams, a perfectionist mopes.
It’s OK to be disappointed when things don’t turn out the way you want, but understand that most things in life won’t! We live in an imperfect world, with imperfect people. And let’s not forget that we, ourselves, are incredibly imperfect!
So why not embrace the journey? Look at the unmet goals and dreams as opportunities to learn and grow, instead of something to hold us back. We have so much ahead of us, so bounce back from the failure and keep going. You got this.
Evaluate WHY you think the way you think
Have you ever wondered why you want to be perfect? Or why your work has to be “perfect?”
Sometimes perfectionism stems from a childhood of people pleasing. Some parents have high expectations for children (which usually border on manipulative and abusive) and that can cause the children to grow into perfectionists.
Or maybe you saw a situation you didn’t like, and vowed not to do a certain thing or be like a certain person. Perhaps you expect too much of yourself and pose perfectionism as self confidence, when it’s really a lack of self esteem.
When you can dig deep and find the reason for why you think the way you think, it can help you understand yourself. You have a unique life and story, and understanding yourself shows self compassion and confidence.
Heal the inner child
Evaluating why you think the way you think also helps you heal the inner child. There’s not really a “set” definition for inner child, but think of it as the child personality deep within you. Everyone has a childlike characteristic deep inside—it’s the one that hasn’t lost its sense of wonder or curiosity. We all tend to push the inner child away because we’re “adults.”
But if you want to stop perfectionism, then find and heal the inner child. Discovering childhood trauma or abuse, pinpointing the why of perfectionist tendencies, and letting go of any beliefs that don’t serve you will help.
As you heal and embrace the inner child, perfectionist habits fade away, as you realize there’s so much more to life. Joy, wonder, and inspiration are all around you.
Also read: How to Overcome Limiting Self Beliefs
Boost your confidence
Perfectionism stems from a lack of self esteem and self confidence. Some people might think perfectionism is a high confidence in one’s self, but it’s actually a cover up for insecurities and weaknesses.
For example, a perfectionists tend to be extremely self critical. They are unhappy with themselves and the work that they do. As they continue to “fail” at tasks, goals, and other things in life, they grow more and more self critical and unhappy with themselves.
On the other hand, a self confident person sees everything from a bigger perspective. Failures, weaknesses, and mistakes are just a part of the journey. Do what you can to boost your confidence, instead of letting life’s circumstances choose how you feel or see things.
You might also be interested in:
- How to boost your self confidence
- What is self confidence?
- How to believe in yourself when nobody else does
- Self confidence affirmations
Come from a place of love, not fear
Perfectionism stems from fear: fear of missing out, fear of failure, fear of what others think, etc.
Instead of rooting your beliefs and thoughts in fear, reframe them from a place of love.
For example, say you’re an artist and you have an idea for a painting. Instead of stopping yourself by thinking things like, “What will so-and-so think of me?” or “What if it doesn’t turn out the way I imagined?” think of the possibilities.
What are you going to learn from this journey? Will you enjoy the process? Even if the end result doesn’t turn out how you imagined it, can you be grateful for your progress?
Progress and expression over perfectionism
In another article on this blog, about believing in yourself, I wrote about an ad I saw on YouTube. World renowned cellist, Yo-Yo Ma, shared an ad for his masterclass. He talked about an experience and how he wanted to play the “perfect” concert. Halfway through the concert, he realized everything was going perfectly… and he was bored!
Ma then said he has become more concerned with human expression, than human perfection.
Isn’t that wonderful? This goes right along with enjoying the journey, the process, and the progress. Enjoy that everything you do and create is an expression, and it doesn’t have to be “perfect” to be right!
Remember what Jesus Christ said about perfectionism
Finally, it’s important to look at a spiritual standpoint and the big picture. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus Christ shared the beatitudes and said to “be perfect,” even as God in heaven is perfect.
But we have to remember that the Savior wasn’t telling us to do perfect things, or perform perfectly. He’s telling us to become and be perfect. Our journey in life is about becoming, and, in the end, it’s what will matter most.
Sure, God will look at the good things we accomplished and the impact we made, but He is most concerned about the condition of our hearts. Did we become the people He needed us to be? Have we become the best disciple of Jesus Christ that we could be?
It’s important to do the best things in life, but even more important to become the best version of ourselves.
In conclusion
It’s time to stop perfectionism in your life. There’s nothing wrong with doing your best and putting your quality work and time out there, but don’t limit yourself with perfectionist tendencies. It’s better to fail a hundred times and be happy through the journey, than to do one perfect thing and never be happy.
Set realistic expectations, enjoy the journey, evaluate your why, and remember the bigger picture. You got this friend!
Want to see a personal example?
I painted the walls in my office and didn’t love it. They weren’t “perfect” and how I envisioned in my head. However, I learned valuable lessons from the experience about perfectionism. Check it out below, and we’d so appreciate it if you subscribed. Mahalo!
What are your thoughts?
How do you stop perfectionism? Is it possible? Let us know in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you! Mahalo!
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